Why no one can “have it all”

“Our gilded expat cages”
(The photo is intended to represent the sexes…)

This is just one example of the many articles on the web right now which continue a one-sided discussion that will never have a solution until we stop pretending that *anyone* can be independent. The men are just as dependent as the women (and that’s true of all kinds of relationships, as well as about singles). The ideal of independence is unattainable because it is trying to answer a badly defined question. In my research about matheamticians’ careers, I have met a lot of academic couples, and academics partnered with non-academics. The same mechanisms as described in this short article are visible in academic careers, as well. Many more female academics who are in relationships with children tend to default to the housewife optio, compared to our male colleagues. My hypothesis is that there are several main culprits. These come in order of importance, with 1 and 2 being probably equally important, and 3 and 4 being contingent upon them. i would be very thankful if anyone shoots down any of my ideas or adds better ones!

1. the way gender roles within the household snd in the workplace are defined in contemporary Western society, and the way these definitions are adopted, un-challenged, passed on to children and perpetuated by (a) institutions and (b) both men and women. These gender expectations/roles/conventions are by far not obvious or universal across time and space! An example of a different gender role distribution is socialist and postsocialist Eastern Europe where the proportion of female scientists was, and remains (though to a smaller extent after 1989), higher than in the west. in fact, Germany is a very interesting one-country example where women born in the [former] GDR are socialised in a noticeably (though by far not completely) more gender-equal way of thinking. aS someone who grew up in Eastern Europe, and has been in the uK for 9 years, I am still often shocked by occasional day-to-day revelations of micro- and macro-gender inequalities I was never aware of.
2. The “scaffolding” which enables people to go about their daily lives outside of work. This includes but is not limited to transport infrastructure, healthcare, childcare and all stages of education but especially early-age education, family structure (extended families in one geographical locality enable more women to spend more time on paid employment), the urban landscape (a funny detail such as the preference for houses in the UK vs apartments in Germany makes UK cities much less dense in comparison, meaning more driving and less access to social spaces outside the work-home nexus, which in turn makes it more likely that one of the partners will stay at home with the children), parental leave laws and practices.
3. Historical inertia
4. Counterproductive initiatives! Small UK example: I don’t know how useful are all the “women in academia” events is the Athena SWAN initiative, though they are certainly very well intentioned. I am yet to be convinced that Athena SWAN is contributing, instead of taking up time and cluttering the debate space… I am pretty sure I am being unfair here and I really hope to see positive change brought about by this initiative… (i am just using this blog as a space to think aloud, so don’t take this particular statement as very serious). But a bigger German example is the law which requires university employers to employ the woman if there are two equally qualified candidates. This one seems both hard to implement and badly received by men and women academics, and in some cases creates a bad attitute towards any female academics employed anywhere because their colleagues begin to harbour suspicions of what they see as “unfair” appointment. This one also needs a more extended discussion, but I am sligtly more convinced of it than by my Athena swan comment above.

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